Brugada Girl ™

Im on vacation today for the next week. Im about 2 1/2 weeks post op and its ridiculous that Im here. Im glad Im here but it was a stupid idea to go so soon. Long before I was diagnosed, when my life still had some semblance of normality I planned a huge vacation to Kentucky with my family because we are horse lovers. It was in place for months and my kids were ecstatic. Fast forward to February 15, the day after Valentines day, when I received my diagnosis. Talk about a shit Valentines Gift. Ill get to that another day. My doctor felt Kentucky was too far and in general didnt seem too keen on the idea of a vacation so soon after surgery. But when I went home and told my kids the news and I needed surgery, the younger ones, seemed very disappointed vacation would have to be cancelled. I felt so guilty. Its bad enough they have to deal with their Mommy needing surgery and bad enough they may need the same, so I didnt have the heart to take away their Easter vacation. I did decide Kentucky was way to far and cancelled and the jerk has yet to give me my money back even though it was an emergency and I had cancelled in the right amount of time. What an ass! So I decided to go to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. My kids were sad about Mommy but sill counting down the days to the vacation they were promised. All along I knew it wasnt the right time for ME. Im tired, still in pain, emotionally drained and physically drained. I went from getting a diagnosis to surgery in 3 weeks. I had no time to digest anything. And now there is the 6 week recovery period. Some say “its only 6 weeks of not lifting your arm, otherwise your fine” Thats a load of crap. I read all over the web that for the most part people have some level of pain and exhaustion for the full 6 weeks not to mention the mental aspect of accepting this. So the day of vacation I got scared to death and refused to go…” Its too soon, I dont want to leave my doctor, what if something happens, Im hours away, It’s supposed to snow and we will be stuck!” Yadda, yadda, yadda. I told my family pack up and go and I will stay home and relax and be close to my doctor who is literally 5 minutes from my house. I was crying because I wanted to go, wanted to be with my family, wanted the “old” me back. But then I was crying because I was afraid to leave the house, leave my doctor, “what if I get shocked, what if I fall and the leads move, Ill be in the middle of nowhere” my mind was all over the place. I wanted to go AND stay. I cried for hours, everyone was late leaving, the kids were upset I wasnt going but at the same time were looking forward to vacation. So to make a long story short my husband put his foot down and said “I dont give a shit if we are far away from the doctor. I can take care of you and get you to any hospital in no time ( hes a cop who drives like a rocket) you are safest next to me, not alone and crying at home.Get ready!We are going” I was actually relieved he took the bull by the horns and wouldnt take no for answer. I could stop thinking and deciding. So now Im here and relaxing and enjoying myself. My point is what? Who cares about your vacation lady? Lol! My point is during recovery you are all over the place, your thoughts and emotions will be different than usual. It will take time to get back to the normal “you”. Lean on your family for advice and guidance because during this scary period of pain, confusion , anger, denial, acceptance, everything…..you cant do it alone. Is this a hurdle? Yes. Can I do all the fun stuff I wanted to do ? No. Does it totally suck? Yes. Will it be like this forever? No. Am I alive and with my loving family and will be for a long time ? YES!!!!!! Time to turn my mind off for a little bit and get some relaxtion…