Brugada Girl ™

Do I hate this year? Am I soooooo ready to see it end? Hell yes! But is it a bad year or a good year? I was diagnosed out of the blue this year and had my ICD implanted. I found out 2 of my children have it and the oldest,18,may be getting an ICD in the near future. I hated the events that happened. I cried more than ever,prayed more than ever,lost sleep more than ever. I had fits of anger,sadness, remorse and hate. It sounds like I am ready to get 2013 over with right?? But then I think….Maybe somehow this was all a good thing. I know I have Brugada, and 2 of my children, which in essence saved our lives. I should be happy about that. After all, who gets the opportunity to see into that crystal ball and do something about it? As much as I hate knowing I have a heart defect and even worse, my 2 children, I can’t help but say “Thank you God” at the same time. Of course it would be better if we didn’t have anything at all lol! But I can’t cry over spilt milk. I can’t change what is the truth. All I can say is Im happy I know what we are up against so I don’t have to lose them and they don’t have to lose their mother. Also, my father died in 2009. I have played out that day over and over for many years wanting to know how and why he died.It was the worse few years of my life…not knowing. But my mother was tested and is negative, solving the long mystery of what happened to my died. Now I have closure over his death. I know it wasn’t his fault. He was a smoker and I felt angry that maybe he brought on an early death. But overall he was healthy. I don’t have to be angry anymore or wonder if he was in pain. I have answers and answers bring peace. As much as I hated the dismal,shocking moments of 2013, its those precise moments that saved lives and provided closure.Do I want the year to continue? NO!!! LOL! But do I detest the year that saved my life and children’s lives? No.How do you feel about your year??