Im not thinking about it!

26 May 2016 4 Comments

by AliciaB in Daily bread

It’s been 3 years since diagnosis and my ICD and something dawned on me…I’m not thinking about it as much as I used to!! That is an enormous milestone! When you can go on living and not think about Brugada Syndrome, it’s freedom. Granted, I think about it here and there,as far as precautionary, but it’s not as much fear as it used to be. I ride horses. And right after diagnosis it took me 9 months to get back on horse back. And when I finally did, I was scared to death. I kept thinking all these frightening thoughts, which made me not want to do it. I took a break from it. I gave up an activity that gave me joy and happiness because of fearful thoughts. That is not living. I stopped “doing” in order to “think”. We can’t be prisoners in our minds and bodies. It’s not healthy in any way, shape or form. A few weeks ago I started riding again. And I’m having a blast. I look forward to going and learning and love it. And yesterday it dawned on me that not ONCE in the last few weeks did I think about Brugada while riding. I listened to my trainer, enjoyed the horse and the scenery. This is huge! It took 3 years but Im actually doing what I used to do without fear around my neck like a noose. I wanted to share that with you because I want you to know, life will be normal. Sure, we will always have to think about it, but on a healthy level. Not on a level where it controls you and steals your life away. All my readers have seen me wrestle mentally the last 3 years. I’ve written some very sad, dismal stuff. Some of it is down right frightening, especially for someone who was just diagnosed. It was never my intention to scare a single soul. Don’t forget this blog is MY experience, MY diary, MY journal. It doesn’t mean you will experience anything that I feel or think. It’s only a glimpse into MY personal life. With that being said, all my readers will realize that for me to be able to do my favorite hobby, and smile and have fun doing it, is an AMAZING milestone! I hope all of you HAVE reached it or WILL reach it! You WILL reach it!!